Where did I leave you? I think I was about to step into Tony’s World of Teaching ™ and watch a consummate professional at work. Well that’s exactly what I did. I turned in for two days, in which time I watched a few lessons and actually nearly taught a whole one (Tony’s work mate Matt coming to the rescue when it was evident I was losing it). I met the head honcho and face of St. John’s, Chainarong. A very important person indeed; apparently he is quite famous within Thailand and once worked for the BBC – the only reporter allowed to report back on a coup or other in Thailand some years ago; he’s also PERSONALLY MET (as if there’s any other way of meeting someone) the current Pope and his predecessor. Naturally I was a little apprehensive at meeting him. Shoes were taken off before entering the office building, the lift glided up the floors (ok, one floor) to his reception. The secretaries smiled and welcomed us. In the air there was the presence of academia, professionalism and respect. We entered the office of the exalted Chainarong; not simply an office, it was a suite the size of a tennis court. Imagine my nerves; my fear; my sweaty palms. Also imagine a fella in a bright blue Hawaiian shirt, with red flowers. That was Chainarong. I did my best not to laugh.

The meeting went well. He told me about St. John's Tha Bom and the principles behind it. Essentially it was set up by St. John’s to help educate the poor kids of the area. In time, in order to cover expenses and make it pay for itself (nearly) they decided to take on paying students. Now approximately two thirds of the students pay (Tony will correct me if I’m wrong – it may be a third) and they subsidise the education of the poorer kids. St. John’s provides all uniform and transport to and from the school, and provides meals (breakfast & lunch) for the kids. These are the only meals some kids get.

Duly filled with a sense of social endeavour, Tony and I headed to Tha Bom.
We landed at Udon Thani ‘International’ Airport, found the hire car and set out on the long road to Tha Bom. After 20 minutes we stopped for breakfast. We stopped at ‘Duck-U-Like’. Result! If there’s anything I love more than a Cumberland Sausage sandwich in doorstep bread with lashings of HP Sauce it’s a noodle-based duck broth with liver/kidney/internal bits and congealed blood! And duck! All washed down with iced coffee.

Back on the road, we ambled towards our destination. In the distance mountains rose; corn fields swayed lazily in the breeze; scooters (almost as numerous as the incessant mosquitoes) ate our dust; the gentle noise of the road beneath the tyres made me fall asleep and dribble down my chest. A sharp right and we were on the final straight. Deeper into the farmland and hills we went; we pulled over and bought some cooked corn on the cob from a farmer who’d set up on the side of the road. Then a sign! St. John’s Thabom School. We took a left and the potholes started. The grass crept in from the sides of the road. Bizarre tractor-type machines pootled along carrying bags of corn, people, dogs & sacrificial virgins*. The fields stretched for miles. Shacks and huts dotted the fields, providing protection and rest from the beating sun (November you say? Will 28 degrees do you?) for the workers. Then, shimmering in the distance came Tha Bom. Well, it may have shimmered, I’m not sure; I woke up wiping slavver from my chops just as we passed the village sign (is it double ‘v’in ‘slavver’? I suppose it derives from saliva, so perhaps only one ‘v’. But then ‘slaver’ would have connotations of me being some kind of giant man swatting British Empire-era slavers from my chin in some Gulliver-esque scenario and although the Thais are small in stature they’re certainly not small enough to set up camp on my chin(s)).

We passed through Tha Bom; St. John’s being at the far end of the village. To my relief we also passed three shops all selling beer. The School was upon us! Kids were running amok; the building looked brand-spanking new. The sun was shining and the world was right.

We parked outside the house of the Assumption Sisters. Sister Deanna, Sister Sol & Sister Lucia were on the verandah and provided a fantastic welcome! They were not as I had envisaged (unfortunately NOT like that castle out of Monty Python & The Holy Grail with all the amorous ladies in it) but were incredibly friendly, welcoming and, well, ace really. Which largely set the tone for the next few days.

My home for the first 4 days in Tha Bom was to be, by absolute definition, a convent. Me and Tony unloaded our bags and set up camp in a room; naturally the minute a man tries to carefully unpack his travelling bag the room looks like a messier version of Nagasaki thirty seconds after the bomb (actually, I bet the bomb made the city look quite clean within the immediate vicinity of ground zero, flattening everything in its path). Now times that by two.

After some simple, but wholesome, food, Tony’s colleague who had travelled with us suggested we go find some silk weavers and buy some of their wares. In years gone by the area was famous for its silk production and weaving. We schlepped along to the next village but one and rocked up on the porch of an old dear. Tony’s colleague (I shall refer to her as ‘Tony’s colleague’ only because I can’t spell her name) seemed to be on the ball and immediately got chatting. Unfortunately the silk worms in the area have died off, but they still make exquisite cotton…things…and stuff. Much laughter was had. Tony joined in in Thai. I sat there nodding like the Churchill dog. We drank fanta. We laughed. We were shown the weaving machine. I was volunteered for two Saturday’s worth of weaving. We laughed. They laughed. Tony joined in in Thai. WAIT A COTTON-WEAVING MINUTE… you mean I’m weaving for the next two Saturdays?! So, dear family (as you’re probably the only ones reading this really) expect some very messy weaved ‘items’ for Christmas, and remember I’ve given up a solid 12 hours of my weekends for them ok? I suggest they be used as either: placemats; decorative features; dish cloths; or…er…talking points.

Thursday (yes, only Thursday) saw my first full day at Tha Bom. It also saw my first ever day as a Boy Scout. An annual event at the school, the Scout Camp allows the kids to have some fun, and I dare say the teachers too. I was assigned Group 6 for a 7 kilometre hike around the village. They had the map. I had good will and utmost confidence in the group leader. Only after the third turn did we get lost, which was more or less the first turn outside the school grounds. Once rectified we were merrily on our way; I said hello to all the locals that we passed; in turn the locals laughed and pointed. An impromptu sex education lesson from two of the village mutts was observed. As we got out of the village, the teachers administered various activities at stages along the hike. First up was singing in Thai. Now, although I have been in Thailand for 5 weeks throughout my life, my ability to talk Thai is limited. I opted to smile and sway from side to side a bit.

More singing was required (i.e. more smiling and swaying) and also the need to make animal noises. I would like to say the whole group joined in, but all I heard was ‘Dave’ & ‘monkey’ so off I went doing my best monkey. Then tiger. Then elephant. All went down well with the kids. On we marched. Flagging in the heat we neared the end. We turned into the school grounds and the final obstacle awaited us. A tunnel. A tunnel made of bamboo cane and leaves. Now, like most things in Thailand, the tunnel was clearly made for Thais, and not Westerners with a substantial amount of ‘relaxed muscle’ (fnarr, fnarr). Watching the kids slide though with the agility of an eel (do eels have agility? Is that a poor analogy?), I dived head-first in and squeezed through, only to find the thing collapse behind me. Much laughter.
The day ended with a night-time dance around a bonfire and a rousing rendition of Auld Lang Syne, in Thai (i.e. smiling and swaying).

Friday. I really should perhaps do this blog more often. But my guess is that when things settle down you won’t really want to hear about my daily trials and tribulations of teaching, so I’m making the most of it.

Anyway, Friday. The last day of the scout camp. Again Group 6 were the lucky buggers who copped for me. Luckily we couldn’t get lost this time as all the activities were on school grounds. So began a day of knots (rubbish), singing (smiling & swaying), monkey ropes (as adept as a blue whale, whilst the kids went at it like it was second nature), swimming in a green pond (twice – long term effects possible) and general organized chaos. Thoroughly enjoyable and I was very glad of the opportunity to get to know the students in a fairly informal setting.

The weekend went by in a blur of religious ceremony, as per usual (…?!). I met my first ever Bishop. I attended my first ever Mass. Organised religion has no place in my life, I have decided. The Bishop event was really quite bizarre and one for expansion when I next speak to the reader. Things are perhaps best left untyped. The Mass was dull. Although it was in Thai I suspect that even if it was in English I still would’ve found myself drawn to the butterflies dancing outside or the dogs moping about scavenging for food.

Sunday evening saw me leave the convent and move to the Parish Priest’s house. The Priest is pretty cool, all in all. A Thai fella with a penchant for cheese is OK in my book. Its clear that many on the youth with Tha Bom turn to him for advice on many different levels; and from what I have experienced he deals with it in a very ‘even-handed’ way i.e. does not necessarily draw on his faith in considering his advice.

And then that brings me to today. Monday. My first ‘proper’ day in the school. I attended two lessons to support the existing teachers; some students have enthusiasm and a willingness to learn. Others would rather pick their nose and act out mock Muay Thai Boxing fights. It’s probably quite fair to say the split is along gender lines. My class schedule has been kind – I’m have classes Wednesdays, Thursdays & Fridays. I finish at 2pm on Fridays so that should allow for some long weekends away. Ace.

That’s about it. For those that feel like doing some old fashioned writing, and if you want to waste paper and KILL THE ENVIRONMENT, then please do write to me here: David Barraclough, St. John’s School Thabom, Moo 8 Baan Thabom, Tambon Khoakhaew Amphoe, Chiangkhan Loei, Thailand 42110.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

“Sh*tting through the eye of a needle would be a distinct f*cking improvement” Luke, chapter 5 verse 11. Maybe.

STAT ATTACK

Did you know that most mosquitoes prefer the left calf of my leg than the right, at a ratio of 14 to 1.